For the last six months, I’ve been thinking “If I could go back a year in time…” and then I would get stuck; pondering how different my life could be right now, if I wasn’t such an asshole back then.

I lost my family. I lost my home. I lost my car.

When I was initially without wheels, it was a struggle to walk across the street to 7-Eleven for cigarettes. Now, I not only don’t smoke, but I find excuses to use my able body. I love having fully functional legs and eyeballs, lol.

Today, I was walking back from the Persian market with groceries for dinner, and it dawned on me…

Someday, I will miss this.

Now I’m on a blanket at the park, enjoying some cherries, thinking “if I could go back a year, I wouldn’t do anything differently. I would go through the pain and confusion all over again, in order to have the clarity of mind that I am now developing. I am becoming something better.”

I have nothing according to the world’s standards… but I am capable of enjoying the baby grasshoppers and the summer breeze.

Even in the darkness of this time, the sun is shining upon me.