When my oldest son was about four years old, his grandmother disappeared with him. It was for less than a day, but it was absolutely terrifying.

She didn’t bring him home at the allotted time. She wasn’t answering her phone. Nobody knew where she was. She had recently separated from her husband.

He wasn’t there for her. He was gone a lot. He worked for the railroad.

Why is it that many think work/money is more important than people/the support they require? God promises to provide, why do they struggle with accepting that? But I digress…

She had started drinking again.

My son’s father was still in prison at the time, so he was no help. I called the police. And then I called my son’s uncle. He got a hold of her and we met her in the parking lot of a tropical fish store down the street from my house, in Anaheim Hills.

I pulled my son out of her car.

“You will never see him again.”

She didn’t respond. She kind of scoffed tbh. Her eyes were so glossy.

Like a shark’s eyes.

A few days later, she crashed her car on La Palma, right by Adam’s (RIP) old house, across from Yorba Regional Park.

Her BAC was .0312, if memory serves. Medical professionals were amazed she hadn’t had a seizure. They don’t know us “lol.”

She almost lost her foot. The paramedics said it was hanging by a “thread of skin.”

When her then husband (they were actually separated at the time - she had just gotten an apartment - which made it easier for her to drink under the radar) went to retrieve her purse from the car at impound, there were strands of her signature long, beautiful hair embedded in the cracks of her windshield.

She was so vibrant. So beautiful.

Her light and beauty made her a target from birth. Her mother was jealous of her. She was continually used and abused.

She is a beautiful person, inside and out. Her light was always under the attempt of capture. Or maybe of being extinguished? The devil wanted her soul, and likely still does.

The devil is a lion, who prowls, wanting us to falter. He will take who’s ever soul he can.

He will sink in his claws… that doesn’t mean it’s the end.

She got sober again.

However, they convinced her she was sick and eventually got her on pills. It’s like she operates in quicksand. Or Jell-O.

I miss the old her. Scars at all. She was real.

She helped me.

Now, I’m not sure what she is. And it’s not her fault. I just miss her.

She took me in when my mom kicked me out. She was real. She still is real, somewhere deep down. But those pills damaged her brain. It doesn’t even matter if she stops taking them. The damage is done.

How is it, that prescribed medication can do worse than alcohol, meth, and a nearly fatal car accident?

How can somebody who has paid a lot of money, to get a piece of paper that says they can “heal people,” prescribe something that will destroy somebody’s soul?

God saved her from the rest. Fuck your prescription.

Instead, let’s fight the good fight, one day at a time.