It’s Saturday night.

I’m home alone. My roommate has been out of town since Thursday. I prefer not to say I’m lonely, because I don’t want to offend the Lord. I know He is with me, always.

But I could use a hug.

I don’t usually watch TV, but I was watching “ Kevin Can F*ch Himself” and had just finished eating a Greek salad with cucumbers from my garden. Farmer cheese from the Persian market. I made the dressing myself.

There was a knock on the door. I kind of hoped it was this one person, yet I Ignored it. Obviously. This is 2024.

They rang the doorbell and knocked again. Fine. I’ll get up.

It was my neighbor. She had her standard sized poodle with her. A beautiful, well trained dog.

I shoved my giant, unruly mutt back in the house behind me.

“I was hoping it would be you.”

She had helped coordinate a block party last weekend. We started talking about our divorces. I told her how everything that had happened this last year, had strengthen my faith to a degree that I didn’t know was possible.

We commiserated. She talked about wailing without words coming out. I talked about clinging to walls, crying. Both are biblical, of course. Both were real experiences for us.

I told her I’m reading the Bible front to back. I told her I don’t belong to a church. She thought that was incredible. That made me giggle.

“I want to read the whole thing before somebody can tell me what to think about it.”

She said she had told some of her friends about me. One of them had said “the Holy Spirit is with her.”

That made my whole year.

That’s what I pray for.

I pray that the Holy Spirit fills me, so that nothing else can come into me.

I still struggle. I bought cigarettes. I drank last night. I felt so ashamed today.

She lifted me up. I felt so low, and now I feel so blessed. I felt validated.

Jesus said that “a prophet is never recognized to their own land.” He was referring to himself. I don’t believe I’m a profit. I’m just reading the manual.

I only seek to understand. And help others understand as well.

I want everyone to know the truth. Life is not what it seems. We are all still becoming what we are meant to be.

“Soon.”