No no, “jizz lane” is correct.

Was anyone else creeped the hell out when she was smiling and pretending to be a nice person?

And at no point during his reading of said speech did he realize it was the wrong speech.

Oh no wait that’s a fictional universe. This guy’s full of shit.

Yeah he’s been kicking off those check boxes for like 10 years now.

I wonder if his vacuous cavity was punctured if there would be an audible popping noise.

I can’t wait for the New New Testament Deluxe Patriot’s Edition (MSRP $99.99) to be written and include The Gospel According to Trump. That peace, love, and Jesus stuff is just so first millennia; they really need to shake things up.

I mean I’m not going to not vote. Maybe I’m unusual, but I learned how to juggle being a nihilist without any hope with still doing the right thing a long time ago.

It’s almost quaint by this point how she believes this orange turd cares about her.

If I had to guess, I would say that it’s weird and therefore memorable, thus making their entire store memorable, which could, hypothetically, drive interest in whatever it is.

So nice of his loyal toadie to let him off the hook like that.

Figure out how many drinks you can have without getting drunk, and then drink only half that many. Altitude effects how hard alcohol hits you. Also, don’t mix alcohol and sleeping or anxiety medications.

It only looks like gold if you’re a fool. There should be a term for that.

Meanwhile in ancient everywhere: Hey check out this cool shit! It must be magic, so let’s this it inside the temple. Oh and throw some of those shiny yellow sun idol things in there that Bob made.

I highly doubt it. They may be able to simulate the appearance of reasoning, but I won’t believe that they’ve accomplished this goal until their robots start killing humans over ideological differences.

Publicly, anyway.

Sorry old man, you’re 8 years too fucking late, at minimum.

Y’all let us know when the aliens show up to take credit. Otherwise, we might as well just keep stealing their glory. The geologist will know that we’re joking at least.

Clearly they haven’t figured out that honey bees were trained on how to make hexagons by humans, who in turn learned from aliens. Or something.

What the hell is “…as to not be abandoning my child/child’s estate upon application” even supposed to mean? They managed to cram at least two irrational terms into a single clause. I mean I know these nut jobs don’t speak fucking English, clearly, but seriously what is this supposed to even mean?

Maybe the reason the Republicans are trying to annihilate heat-related injury protection and precautions like water breaks in the red states is because the exact kind of mental state required to understand SovCit ablogic can only be attained via heat stroke.